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Every time an incident would remind me of a certain thing that connects to my past, I couldn’t help myself but cry. I thought I have forgotten and overcome the pain I always feel whenever I remember it. I have already forgiven those people who had hurt me intentionally and unintentionally, I just don’t know if they knew it but until now I cried every time I remember it. Past is past, but the pain that they’ve caused me is still carved in my heart. I always asked God, and myself: why can’t I let go of my past? The pain is still here… a lot of whys….

I was thinking of calling my friend who is a psychology graduate but I was hesitant, I don’t know but I was afraid of what would be the outcome. And just last night I was tiding up my things and I found a piece of paper… It was in my cabinet for years and I haven’t opened it up until that night and the questions that I’ve been asking for is in there and I think some of the answers were true: that I’ve been hurt so much emotionally and physically, I haven’t forgiven the people that caused me much pain, that I was still waiting for the other person to ask for forgiveness. Well, maybe I haven’t really completely forgiven those people that had hurt me, that’s why I can’t fully forget everything. 

Through a piece of paper God sends His message for me and made me realize how wonderful He is. I’m so thankful that in spite of my shortcomings God is still there for me and He never abandoned me every time I am troubled, alone and hurt. He sends his messages to us in different ways, sometimes we just overlooked at it and think that He had deserted us but He’s always there for all of us, especially for those who is in need of help, all we have to do is to have reach out for Him and have faith…